in the company of friends

wallow: \ˈwä-(ˌ)lō\
function: intransitive verb
4 b: to indulge oneself immoderately <wallowing in self-pity>

this about sums up my friday night, my saturday night, and a little bit tonight. it all started with my friends margaret and erica. they were both having problems of the male persuasion and wanted to not think about it (read: talk about it). erica picked up the chicken pad thai, margaret picked up the ice cream and wine, and I had the copy of "say anything" for our pity showing.

margaret is the first one to tell us her funny dating woes while erica is the opposite. it's very hard for her to share so it was nice to provide a safe place for her. what girl doesn't just need to talk and not feel judged? I tend to be more like erica so I could relate. but we really had a great time together.

even with nothing really to add except for my lack of dating stories, I didn't think the wallowing would include me but imagine my surprise when all sorts of things from long ago came bubbling to the surface. those things have lingered, swirling around in my head like my own little fog machine for the past few days. I've been discussing things with the Lord but it's still hard to let go of things you've been holding on to for a very long time.

and, in true wallow fashion, I tend to dig myself deeper into it and spend time on things that make me feel worse. here is my vow,

I AM GOING TO STOP RIGHT NOW.

it is not worth it. it will not change anything. I will not feel better, and I usually end up feeling worse. I'm done. you are my witness.

oh boy. realization never felt so good. or bad.

thank you Jesus for my friends.

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.'" CS Lewis